Is That New Person In Your Life Right For You?

Posted on | April 26, 2011 | 10 Comments

Welcome back! I’d love for you to comment on the post; your ideas add SO much to the discussion here! If you haven’t already, sign up to get Up From Splat updates, & we can stay connected. :)

Have you ever had a love relationship or friendship that seemed to start out okay go bad on you?

Have you ever had to choose a new employee or business partner or pick a service provider of some kind and been unsure about which person was right for you?

Have you ever met a total stranger and felt an attraction but been unsure about whether you should pursue it?

If you didn’t answer yes to at least one of these questions, you might not be human.  I’ll leave it up to you to decide how to handle that revelation.

The beginnings of relationships can be confusing and misleading.  How can you know when someone you’ve just met will have a positive or negative impact on your life?

The Clues Are There

I’ve had many experiences in which I thought a person would be a great friend or a man would be a long term partner or a person I was working with would be a good match for me, and I was wrong, wrong, wrong.  But each time a relationship unraveled, I realized, in hindsight, that the beginning of the relationship held clues to its eventual end.

Over time, I trained myself to become more aware of those clues.  Then I learned how to get even more information about a person at the beginning.  These skills have helped me have far more enjoyable relationships of all kinds in my life.

All of us have the ability to evaluate new people more consciously.  It simply takes awareness and intuition.  Next week, I’ll give you a step-by-step intuitive process you can use to find out more about people.  Today, I’m going to talk about the awareness part of the process.

Open Up

The first thing you need to do when you meet someone new is get into an open state that allows you to be aware of everything there is to notice.  Here’s how you do that:

1.  Drop all preconceived expectations about how you want the person to be.

I know this seems to go against law of attraction principles, which say that you get what you focus on.  Abraham-Hicks, for example, teach “pre-paving,” which is a way of visualizing how you want your day and your interactions to unfold.  And I agree that this form of positive expectation is important in all parts of our lives.

But I’ve found that if we focus too hard on that positive expectation, it blinds us to our present experience.  We miss clues that tell us this person isn’t what we want him or her to be.

In the late nineties, I met, online, a man who seemed to be a great guy who had many qualities I liked.  After several phone conversations, we agreed to meet.

Before the meeting, I had many delightful positive imaginings about how the meeting would go.  I expected this man to be wonderful.  I expected us to have a great relationship.

Well, this man was a lot of fun, and we did have a lot in common.  But our first encounter was swimming in clues that this guy wasn’t right for me.

He arrived 45 minutes late for our first meeting.  He asked me to pay for half of the lunch (the total of the whole bill was $7).  Our meeting was in a park, and we both brought our dogs, and he kept yelling at them because they kept getting their leashes wrapped around our legs (something dogs do—it’s not worth getting upset about).  Because I had so convinced myself, via my positive expectations, that this man was right for me, I ignored all these clues.

I launched into a relationship with this man, one that drove me nuts in a very short time.  He was consistently late for all of our get-togethers (and he never called or apologized).  He spent money wildly on himself but was always cheap when it came to what we did together.  He was volatile and confrontational.  None of this worked for me, and after several unhappy months, I finally came to my senses and broke it off.  I could have saved myself a ton of unpleasantness if I hadn’t draped him in a veil of positive expectation at the beginning of our relationship.

There’s a difference between expecting the people and experiences in your life to be great for you and expecting THIS person and THIS experience to be great.  You need to let the universe bring the right people to you and not manhandle the people you encounter into being the right people.

2.  Watch and listen.

Often, at the beginning of relationships, of any kind, we’re so busy revealing ourselves that we don’t pay enough attention to what is being revealed to us.  We don’t listen.  We don’t observe behavior.

When I had the meeting with that man, I had far more of my attention on what I said and how I looked and acted than on what he was doing.  I wanted to make a good impression, so my focus was skewed more toward me than him.  If I’d been paying attention to HIM, I would have been more likely to notice all those glaring clues.

Of course, you want to make a good impression on others.  But that’s not where your focus needs to be.  Just be yourself and turn your attention to the other person.

3.  Notice how you feel.

Everything you need to know about a person is revealed to you via your emotions … ALL of your emotions.

A common mistake we make with new people is we focus on the predominant emotion and we ignore the little niggly ones.  We also ignore the ones we don’t find pleasant.

For example, a friend of mine (I’ll call her Jane) made a new friend (I’ll call her Jill).  Jane was thrilled that she and Jill had so much in common, and she loved that Jill was so generous with her time and attention.  Under this thrill and excitement, though, Jane had a little twinge of concern.  She had no idea why she felt this concern.  There was no logical reason for it.  But she felt it.  And she ignored it.

It turned out that Jill was an almost pathological liar.  She ended up borrowing quite a bit of money from Jane that she didn’t pay back, and she got Jane in a mess of trouble because of her lies.  Jill was ultimately arrested for fraud.  Jane told me, “On some level, I felt something was off about her, but I didn’t pay attention to what I felt.”

When you start a relationship, be as present as you possibly can.  Pay attention to all of the layers of your emotions.  If you feel annoyed or tense or afraid, even if it’s just like a drop of negativity in a big tub of attraction or excitement, pull that drop out and explore it.  In the intuition process I’ll share with you next week, you’ll learn how to find out more about those feelings.

4.  Tune into your body’s wisdom.

Your body has so much to tell you about people, if you’d only listen.

Even when you have emotional or mental blinders on, your body has ways of getting your attention.  Unfortunately, if you’re like I used to be, you probably ignore them.

In that first meeting with the late, cheap, and impatient man, my body gave me all sorts of messages.  My stomach was knotted.  My shoulders were tight.  When I left the meeting, I had a headache.

But you know what I did with all that information?  I told myself the reason I felt all those things was because I was nervous about the meeting.

Since then, I’ve learned to intently focus on what I’m feeling physically when I interact with people.  I notice when I feel drained or achy or tense.

When you get physical sensations, you’re receiving wisdom from your higher self, and you need to pay attention.  Your source energy communicates to you through your body.  So if you heed the messages your body gives you when you’re around someone, you’ll know if the person is right for you or not.

Following these four steps will help you bring into your life only those people who will benefit you in some way. Like I said, next week, I’ll share a process that will help you build on these awareness skills.

Some of the most painful splats in our lives come from relationships gone bad and the negative fall-out of choosing the wrong people to interact with.  You can turn those splats into spectacular people interactions when you become skilled at looking at relationship clues.

Do you have any experience with ignoring or heeding people clues?  How do you stay open and aware when you first meet people?  Please share your stories.

———————————————————————————————————————-

Related Posts:

• How To See What Your Eyes Can’t See
• Are You Listening To Someone Who Doesn’t Know The Way?
• An Important Message For Goal-Setters

Comments

Subscribe to RSS

Subscribe Via E-mail & Receive 16 Free Audios

Inspirational Stories of Real People Who Have Turned Failure, Disappointment, and Struggle Into Success, Triumph, and Joy

Enter your email address:

Please check your spam folder--you will need to confirm your request to receive your updates.

About

I'm Ande Waggener, and I'm on a journey from Splat to Spectacular. I invite you to come along with me.

---------------------------------

Site Index

• Blog
• Jusducky!
• Health
• Money
• People
• Spirit
• About
• Contact

Desplatification :)

Acceptance (16)
Anger (1)
Anxiety (4)
Authenticity (22)
Beliefs (6)
Body-mind (3)
Breathing (3)
Budgeting (1)
Business (2)
Change (19)
Confidence (22)
Coregreen (25)
Debt (3)
Decision making (5)
Depression (9)
Detox (1)
Disappointment (4)
Dogs (23)
Dreams (13)
Energy (22)
Exercise (1)
Failure (5)
Faith (1)
Fear (2)
Feel good (28)
Financial abundance (4)
Flow (2)
Focus thought (44)
Fun (12)
Games (1)
Goals (5)
Guidance (3)
Happiness (8)
Healing (14)
Hobbies (1)
Illness (4)
Injury (5)
Inner wisdom (13)
Inspired action (11)
Intuition (6)
Judgment (2)
Law of attraction (42)
Longevity (1)
Love (1)
Manifesting (16)
Meditation (2)
Mind power (2)
Money (6)
Motivation (1)
Overcoming obstacles (1)
Pain relief (1)
Passion (2)
Peace (1)
Persistence (4)
Personal power (35)
Perspective (7)
Pets (1)
Positive aspects (1)
Positive thinking (13)
Problem solving (9)
Relationships (10)
Relaxation (2)
Resistance (4)
Self esteem (19)
Shame (1)
Sleep (1)
Stress (3)
Subconscious mind (1)
Success (3)
Success story (4)
Uncategorized (3)
Vibrational frequency (10)
Virtual life (3)
Visualization (5)
Water (1)
Weight loss (5)
Work (3)
Writing (2)

WP Cumulus Flash tag cloud by Roy Tanck requires Flash Player 9 or better.

Search

Search for: