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From SPLAT to SPECTACULAR: How To Get Back Up When Life Slams You Down

Repeat After Me: “I Can Have That!”

Posted on | June 13, 2011 | 10 Comments

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Mall austinevan 300x225 Repeat After Me:  “I Can Have That!”In my recent feedback survey, a reader asked for help with resentment and envy.

Who among us hasn’t felt resentment and envy?  Who hasn’t had that knife-in-the-gut feeling of longing that comes when we see someone with something we want and don’t have?

Resentment and envy and jealousy are splats of the worse kind—they’re the kind of chronic splats that tend to ooze into all aspects of life and poison everything.

What can you do about these excruciating states?

Get Out Of The Museum

Here’s the set-yourself-free truth about resentment and envy:

When you feel envy or jealousy or resentment, you’re living as if you’re in a museum.

In a museum, you can’t have what you’re looking at.  Most of the time, you can’t even touch it.  You certainly can’t take it home.  It’s not yours.  You can only gaze upon it with awe or longing.

Envy and resentment come from longing.  They come from feeling like someone has something you want and you not only don’t have it, you think you CAN’T have it.

If you knew you could have anything that others had, you wouldn’t feel resentment or envy.  You’d feel excitement.  You’d feel enthusiasm and anticipation.

Move Into The Mall

The way to trade resentment and envy for enthusiasm and anticipation is to step into a Mall Mindset.

A Mall Mindset is the knowing that if you have a desire for something, no matter what it is, you can have the essence of that desire. You may not get it in exactly the detailed way you desire it (or you might), but you’ll get the core of it, the gist of it, the most important part of it.

This mindset is an awareness that you live in an abundant universe with all experiences and things lined up for you to choose from.  Nothing in this universe is off limits to you like it is in a museum.  What he or she has can be yours too.  There’s no reason to resent or envy anyone when you have a Mall Mindset.

Choose By Focus

My friend and the funny, insightful author of Abraham-Hicks-based wisdom, Karen Money Williams, wrote, “Envious of someone? They got what they have by focusing on their desire and not on lack. You can do the same.”

This is it in a nutshell. This is how you remove envy and resentment from your life.

In the mall of life, you get what you want by the focus on what you desire with a knowing that you can have it.  That’s how everyone gets what they have.  So if they got it, you can too.

The next time you feel resentment or envy or jealousy, try this exercise:

1.  Close your eyes and imagine you’re standing in an endless mall that has every single thing you’ve ever wanted and things you haven’t even realized yet that you’re going to want someday.  Heck—this mall even has stores full of soul mates and the perfect friends and family and pets.

Picture the floor, the walls, the shops, and the people.  Picture colors and styles and textures that make you feel good.  Hear the music being played over the speakers.  Smell the enticing smells from the mall’s extensive food court (it has all your favorite foods and ones that might be your favorite in the future).  Wander through the mall just as you would a real life mall.

2.  As you wander, pretend you’re carrying a bottomless purse that has all the money necessary to buy anything and everything in this mall.  Know you can get anything.

3.  Bask for a few minutes in the glorious feeling of this abundance and your access to it.

4.  Open your eyes and think again about the person or thing that triggered the envy or resentment you felt.  Say to yourself, “I can have that!”

If you do this exercise the next few times you feel envy or resentment or jealousy, you’ll find these states completely disappear from your life.

I used to feel envy and resentment a lot.  Years ago, I’d gladly have made voodoo dolls in likenesses of some of the most successful authors and happily stuck pins in them.  Not anymore.  I know that any success I see can be mine too.

When you live in a Mall Mindset, everything you see triggers an enthusiastic, “I can have that!”

What’s your experience with envy and resentment?  Have you been able to release the longing and embrace the, “Yes, I can have that!” attitude?

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10 Responses to “Repeat After Me: “I Can Have That!””

  1. Karen P
    June 13th, 2011 @ 1:00 pm

    With this recession, I’ve come to realize that the lifestyle I had, although nothing splashy, was an abundance of less worry & more joy. Kind of like looking back on 10 yr old pictures of myself & being astonished that I was actually kind of cute! How’d I miss that?! So now that I can’t just “have” something I want, resentment has creeped into my thoughts. Thanks for your insight once again, Andy. Envy & resentment only causes stress, which I have way too much of. Time to let it go.

  2. Karen P
    June 13th, 2011 @ 1:02 pm

    Opps! I meant ANDE!!!

  3. Ande
    Twitter:

    June 13th, 2011 @ 6:00 pm

    Thanks for sharing your experience, Karen P–it’s a good point that we can be “envious” or resentful of ourselves … of what we used to have! And what we don’t realize is that we can choose, at any time, in any circumstances, to feel joy … but we kind of forget to do it. When we remind ourselves to do it more and more, though, it becomes a habit that sticks around.

  4. Ande
    Twitter:

    June 13th, 2011 @ 6:02 pm

    LOL that’s ok–I respond to everything from Andrea to Andy to Andi to Andie to Ande to Hey You … although I’m kind of partial to “Beautiful”–Tim’s name for me and Ducky’s Momma. ;)

  5. Debbie Hampton
    June 13th, 2011 @ 6:15 pm

    The tile makes me think of the funny cat pics “I can haz cheezburger?” My sons think they are hilarious. If you have not seen them, just goggle it.

    I loved the way I felt when I imagined myself in the mall with anything I ever wanted or could ever want in it. So glorious!

    I do believe in the abundance of the universe. It is just the patience I have a problem with sometimes! :) I do think it is terribly exciting just to see how everything manifests. It keeps it interesting.
    Debbie Hampton recently posted..Born To DieMy ComLuv Profile

  6. Ande
    Twitter:

    June 13th, 2011 @ 6:21 pm

    Yes, they are funny, Debbie! :) You’re so right that it’s exciting to see how things manifest–it’s staying in that exhilaration of the unfolding that removes the need for patience, I think. ;)

  7. Karen Williams
    Twitter:

    June 13th, 2011 @ 7:23 pm

    Haha — like Debbie, I love “I Can Haz Cheezburger.”

    You’ve come up with another clever analogy, Ande — a mall vs. a museum mentality. What a way to bring the point home. I also loved the way I felt when I imagined myself in the mall with the means to take home anything I wanted. Ahhhhhh.

    Envy, jealousy, and resentment are insidious. I used to feel stuck in those emotions when someone would come along with the traits and talents I wanted but deemed lacking in myself.
    It’s so freeing to now know that ANYTHING someone else has I can have too, providing I’m willing to align my thoughts with it. And it’s always possible to achieve that alignment in due time.

    Thanks for the mention of moi, Ande. You’re the bestest. :)

  8. Ande
    Twitter:

    June 13th, 2011 @ 8:19 pm

    Thanks, Karen. Yeah, that mall is a wonderful place to be. :0 And you’re quite welcome for the mention–I appreciate all you do!!

  9. David Stevens
    June 14th, 2011 @ 4:18 pm

    Hi,
    I like the analogies. You’ve woven them in to the theme nicely. Resentment & anger will chew you up. Choose to move on.
    be good to yourself
    David

  10. Ande
    Twitter:

    June 14th, 2011 @ 5:20 pm

    Thanks, David! And you have another good one–they will for sure “chew you up.” :)

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    I'm Ande Waggener, and I'm on a journey from Splat to Spectacular. I invite you to come along with me.

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