Posted on | June 13, 2011 | 10 Comments
In my recent feedback survey, a reader asked for help with resentment and envy.
Who among us hasn’t felt resentment and envy? Who hasn’t had that knife-in-the-gut feeling of longing that comes when we see someone with something we want and don’t have?
Resentment and envy and jealousy are splats of the worse kind—they’re the kind of chronic splats that tend to ooze into all aspects of life and poison everything.
What can you do about these excruciating states?
Get Out Of The Museum
Here’s the set-yourself-free truth about resentment and envy:
When you feel envy or jealousy or resentment, you’re living as if you’re in a museum.
In a museum, you can’t have what you’re looking at. Most of the time, you can’t even touch it. You certainly can’t take it home. It’s not yours. You can only gaze upon it with awe or longing.
Envy and resentment come from longing. They come from feeling like someone has something you want and you not only don’t have it, you think you CAN’T have it.
If you knew you could have anything that others had, you wouldn’t feel resentment or envy. You’d feel excitement. You’d feel enthusiasm and anticipation.
Move Into The Mall
The way to trade resentment and envy for enthusiasm and anticipation is to step into a Mall Mindset.
A Mall Mindset is the knowing that if you have a desire for something, no matter what it is, you can have the essence of that desire. You may not get it in exactly the detailed way you desire it (or you might), but you’ll get the core of it, the gist of it, the most important part of it.
This mindset is an awareness that you live in an abundant universe with all experiences and things lined up for you to choose from. Nothing in this universe is off limits to you like it is in a museum. What he or she has can be yours too. There’s no reason to resent or envy anyone when you have a Mall Mindset.
Choose By Focus
My friend and the funny, insightful author of Abraham-Hicks-based wisdom, Karen Money Williams, wrote, “Envious of someone? They got what they have by focusing on their desire and not on lack. You can do the same.”
This is it in a nutshell. This is how you remove envy and resentment from your life.
In the mall of life, you get what you want by the focus on what you desire with a knowing that you can have it. That’s how everyone gets what they have. So if they got it, you can too.
The next time you feel resentment or envy or jealousy, try this exercise:
1. Close your eyes and imagine you’re standing in an endless mall that has every single thing you’ve ever wanted and things you haven’t even realized yet that you’re going to want someday. Heck—this mall even has stores full of soul mates and the perfect friends and family and pets.
Picture the floor, the walls, the shops, and the people. Picture colors and styles and textures that make you feel good. Hear the music being played over the speakers. Smell the enticing smells from the mall’s extensive food court (it has all your favorite foods and ones that might be your favorite in the future). Wander through the mall just as you would a real life mall.
2. As you wander, pretend you’re carrying a bottomless purse that has all the money necessary to buy anything and everything in this mall. Know you can get anything.
3. Bask for a few minutes in the glorious feeling of this abundance and your access to it.
4. Open your eyes and think again about the person or thing that triggered the envy or resentment you felt. Say to yourself, “I can have that!”
If you do this exercise the next few times you feel envy or resentment or jealousy, you’ll find these states completely disappear from your life.
I used to feel envy and resentment a lot. Years ago, I’d gladly have made voodoo dolls in likenesses of some of the most successful authors and happily stuck pins in them. Not anymore. I know that any success I see can be mine too.
When you live in a Mall Mindset, everything you see triggers an enthusiastic, “I can have that!”
What’s your experience with envy and resentment? Have you been able to release the longing and embrace the, “Yes, I can have that!” attitude?